I feel that I need to address this type first, because it is such a growing trend that it's becoming ridiculous!
First off, I know that I have a strong personality, and that may be intimidating sometimes, so I apologize in advance if I seem rude, but I'm honestly tired of being more upfront and having more "balls" than the men I encounter. That's just not natural!
So...here goes...
If you don't like someone, or the vibe isn't right - say so!!! Damn! What is the worst that could happen??? That seems so easy and juvenile to point out, but it's obviously easier said than done, since so many men seem to be struggling with this elementary concept. Two people go out - whether the first time, or the fifth - and the vibes are just all wrong, and it's felt all around. The woman (me) feels it, and treads lightly, not promising anything past the here-and-now, trying to feel him out because he's smiling and flirting, but there's this distance that can't be interpreted. I understand that some people cannot cope with being put on the spot, so letting the date end, and approaching the subject after-the-fact, is not beyond me. Let us both go our own way, regroup and collect our thoughts, then broach the subject on our own turf. Right? No confrontation. No pressure. Hide behind the phone, or texting. Safe, right?
Damn. No follow up call. No text. No email. Nothing. Even worse - I give in and get NO RESPONSE!
Ummm.....OK. I'll step up to the plate, and take the man's role again (dammit), and make the first contact and try to confirm the odd vibe. Men, we should NOT be doing this for you!!! However, in spite of doing it, you act even more cowardly by not responding. WTF? I'm not going to bitch-slap you! I'm not going to friggin BITE you! Did it occur to you that I may have also recognized the non-connection that happened? Has it crossed your mind that, although we're both attractive, that I realize we are just not attracted to each other? It has gotten to the point that post-date-brush-off and flat out dropping-off-the-face-of-the-planet has become an acceptable communication method, and that's sad. That's a new form of lowered standards, that mixed with lazy dating is really inexcusable. Last time I checked, we were GROWN.
(By the way - there IS a distinction between attractiveness and attraction! You CAN find a person to be attractive, but NOT be attracted to them. Take a minute, and soak that in. Use it, it can work to your advantage in many ways!)
Now, all this is going on, and we both realize there's no "match", and we realize that we both do not really want to see each other again, or - worst case - I DO want to see you again, but you're not feeling the same.... (sometimes vice versa). What's a MAN to do?????
Be a man (duh!). Say so! In the name of all things masculine and testosterone-packed, tell the girl SOMETHING! Men, please stop acting like bitches, and tucking your tails and HIDING. Say something. Anything!!!! Let me help you out, for starters: "You're cool, but not my type", or "I'm not feeling anything between us right now". If that's too hard, resort to the "You're a cool friend" excuse - yeah, still a lil bit cowardly, but at least it's a UNIVERSAL excuse that we ALL know the meaning of!
Simply put, women should not always have to take the lead and initiative to either finalize or start something. Yes, there will be let-downs, disappointments, and even *gasp* rejections. Everyone deals with these sometimes, but how can you be a MAN and not be able to take a punch and keep rollin??? Women have to deal with rejections a lot too, but no matter how strong we are, it's still fact that compared to a man, we are the most vulnerable of the two species. You should be stronger than us - mentally and emotionally, not just physically. Rejection is a part of life. Be stronger, men. Stand up for yourselves, with confidence, and learn to tactfully speak your mind.
As a woman, it may not change the attraction-factor (i.e. I still may not like you), but I'd sure as hell have much more respect and admiration for you as a person, and wish you the best.
Bottom line - MAN UP.
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3 comments:
LOL, girl someone needs to take you over there knee and spank ur sexy ass,LOL. Why do women always try and attack our manhood...."if you were a REAL man, you'd buy me that lexus",LOL....maybe you need to look in the mirror baby, maybe its you. You sound a lil bitter to me, quick to judge and dismiss, fore fear of being hurt. Hell! thats why I'm single now.....all these beautiful bitter sistas running around screamin about the past and projecting that same past on brothers like me. If ole boy wasn't feelin you, then he wasn't feelin you, dont trip,just move on, no need to waste precious time stating the obvious. And baby dont mistake strength for a stank-ass atitude..now really, how you gonna be my girl acting like that..lol
much luv baby
Stacey aka da poet-warrior
Dam, how can I say this without offending some one. I'm a straight to the point type of kat. I speak my mind and find it to be quite horrible. But true. I learned that it's how you say it. So I am a little nice about it now. example, someone asked me if I would like to go to dinner with her, and pay. I said"No, not if Jesus was the waiter, and moses was the cook, and we was at the last supper!" I felt kind of upset. But if I was to tell you, this was the young lady trying to sabotage a brother character because I will never talk to her, or let her know anything about me. I responded in such a manner. I judge all my experiences on who I choose to comunicate with. I only comunicate with people who I believe share the same spirit.
It's hard to comment to these blogs. I don't experience this type of stuff. I do experience people just staring at me and not talking. acting all nervous and stuff. On a first date, this can be kind of annoying. But I don't give up on her, I just see how the rest of the night goes. Any with my personality, and gentleness, I know whe will eventually open up, like a rose in a morning. patients.
aye, you need to really know the people you are dating. There are some crazy fools out there in this world. You are a beautiful woman, and many of these men might not ever had a chance to entertain someone as beautiful as you.
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