I need to break the negative monotony, and express my POSITIVE feelings about men. All the negatives are bringing me down a little, and even though I will continue to write about them (I feel it's important for me to point them out), I still have so much love and appreciation for the good guys, who need and deserve some attention and recognition, too!
I love you men!!! *smile* I think you are such beautiful creations; strong, mighty, gorgeous and cuddly! From the tops of your heads, to the soles of MOST of your feet!!! lol (y'all know some of y'all feet is way to crusty to love!) I love your many shades and flavors - chocolates, caramels, bananas, and vanillas. I love your sizes and shapes - talls, slims, buff, stocky, etc., etc. I love your curly hair, wavy hair, dark eyes, light eyes, succulent lips, goatees, mustaches, chest hair, broad shoulders, tight hips, six packs, twelve packs, two packs, no packs, sexy hands, sexy arms, hairy legs, tight asses, and....I won't even get into the groin area, because I'm not trying to make this a sexual thing....but DAMN!!!!
Y'all are gorgeous beings.
Absolutely beautiful!!!
Don't be mistaken....love and appreciation does not mean I want you, want to be with you, etc., but I like to admire, and so I will. I also can't generalize this to every single man, because some of y'all simply fuck it up with your oddities, bad behavior and bad habits (for these, read my other blogs - LOL!).
However, for every intolerable man, there are five others who've got their shit together and got their heads on straight - BOTH heads - and you are HOT! I appreciate your integrity, your wisdom and your abilities to tackle life with fists blazing. Y'all have so much to encounter in your journey of manhood - becoming independent, being a provider, being a protector, overcoming obstacles such as ridicule, stereotyping, profiling, discrimination and rejection, yet you still wake up every morning, and take on another day with pride and strength. You men with these qualities, I admire you and look up to you! I don't care how independent women are forced to become (prime example: ME), we still need you! In every way. You are the backbone of our world, and are meant to be the leaders. Just please don't forget that behind every successful man is a supportive, strong woman! I know that sounds so traditional and one-dimensional, but that's they way things were intended to be, and as a people - we've lost touch with our roles!!
Keep it up....and train your sons, nephews and friends the importance of being a good and intelligent MAN.
I think the world of you.
Thank you!!!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
The Just-Don't-Get-It's....
What can I say? These men here....just...don't...get it! No matter how much you lay out it, spell it out...sound it out - they just don't get it. They will never get it. These types, unfortunately, you'll have no other choice than to just drop and ignore, because they refuse to understand you. Period.
Example:
Man and woman go out - once, or a few times. Whatever. For some reason, the two just don't mesh, and things aren't flowing, but the guy is still very interested. In spite of the fact that the conversation sucks. In spite of the fact that the woman has an obvious appearance of boredom or nuisance. He is still interested, so, the woman decides she needs to let him know that it's not working. He doesn't "understand" - they seem to be getting along really well. She says "thank you for the lovely evening, but I'm ready to go home". He wants to know why, and if they can hang out for a little while longer. She says she's tired. He says "but tomorrow's Sunday, and you can sleep in". She gets a little annoyed and gets bolder and says, "_____, I'm really not into you. This isn't working for me. We have no chemistry". He says "Why not? I feel a good vibe between us!!" She says, "Maybe we can be friends" (uh-huh! The "Friend" tactic). He says "OK, any way to be closer to you. Can I see you tomorrow?" She says, "No. I'll call you." He takes her home, she gets out the car, he gets out, too, and asks "Can I come in?" She says, "No, I'm tired" (still trying to be nice). He says "I just need to use the bathroom" or "Can I use your phone, my cell phone is dead". She's forced to get firm and mean. He still is nice and doesn't get it.
Can you see where I'm going with this?
I've interacted with a few men who were like this, and must note, that even being firmer and telling them there is no vibe doesn't work. I went out with a guy once, for the first time, and the next day tried to explain to him that I had a good time, but don't think we should go out again. I wasn't feeling him, and we had no connection. I tried to put it tactfully, but he just refused to get it. He asked me why I went out with him. I tried to explain that I had HOPES that we'd have a connection (we didn't - he weirded me out during the date with some real awkward behavior). He still didn't get it. He asked me why I told him I had a good time. I told him that I DID, just not enough to warrant a second date (true). He didn't get it. He said I was being fake. HUH? So, I'm supposed to CONTINUE going out with him because HE wants to, even though I don't? I could not seem to get him to understand that I went out with him HOPING that because we both initially found the other attractive, that there would be chemistry. There wasn't. So instead of leading him on, I told him where I stood. He didn't get it, and because he couldn't understand - or refused to - he in turn cussed me out. I wished him all the best, and told him to never contact me again.
This is definitely a Just-don't-get-it Guy.
Every person - man or woman - should be gifted with God-given common sense, that says, if a person seems or is giving off a clear vibe, either through words or actions, that they are not interested in you....chances are, they really aren't. And IF, said person has the "balls" enough to clearly say so, then they likely mean it. I have yet to meet a person that would say "I'm not really into you" when they really are. There are few things more frustrating than trying to explain or express a feeling to someone who just won't get it. When they have this perfect scenario stuck in their mind about how they think things should be and how they think you should feel, your opinion or feelings will not make sense if they aren't the same. The men who don't get this, are the Just-Don't-Get-It's, and sadly, until they have NO CHOICE but to get it, they WILL NOT.
Write an email and save your breath, because it won't matter either way.
They just won't get it.
Example:
Man and woman go out - once, or a few times. Whatever. For some reason, the two just don't mesh, and things aren't flowing, but the guy is still very interested. In spite of the fact that the conversation sucks. In spite of the fact that the woman has an obvious appearance of boredom or nuisance. He is still interested, so, the woman decides she needs to let him know that it's not working. He doesn't "understand" - they seem to be getting along really well. She says "thank you for the lovely evening, but I'm ready to go home". He wants to know why, and if they can hang out for a little while longer. She says she's tired. He says "but tomorrow's Sunday, and you can sleep in". She gets a little annoyed and gets bolder and says, "_____, I'm really not into you. This isn't working for me. We have no chemistry". He says "Why not? I feel a good vibe between us!!" She says, "Maybe we can be friends" (uh-huh! The "Friend" tactic). He says "OK, any way to be closer to you. Can I see you tomorrow?" She says, "No. I'll call you." He takes her home, she gets out the car, he gets out, too, and asks "Can I come in?" She says, "No, I'm tired" (still trying to be nice). He says "I just need to use the bathroom" or "Can I use your phone, my cell phone is dead". She's forced to get firm and mean. He still is nice and doesn't get it.
Can you see where I'm going with this?
I've interacted with a few men who were like this, and must note, that even being firmer and telling them there is no vibe doesn't work. I went out with a guy once, for the first time, and the next day tried to explain to him that I had a good time, but don't think we should go out again. I wasn't feeling him, and we had no connection. I tried to put it tactfully, but he just refused to get it. He asked me why I went out with him. I tried to explain that I had HOPES that we'd have a connection (we didn't - he weirded me out during the date with some real awkward behavior). He still didn't get it. He asked me why I told him I had a good time. I told him that I DID, just not enough to warrant a second date (true). He didn't get it. He said I was being fake. HUH? So, I'm supposed to CONTINUE going out with him because HE wants to, even though I don't? I could not seem to get him to understand that I went out with him HOPING that because we both initially found the other attractive, that there would be chemistry. There wasn't. So instead of leading him on, I told him where I stood. He didn't get it, and because he couldn't understand - or refused to - he in turn cussed me out. I wished him all the best, and told him to never contact me again.
This is definitely a Just-don't-get-it Guy.
Every person - man or woman - should be gifted with God-given common sense, that says, if a person seems or is giving off a clear vibe, either through words or actions, that they are not interested in you....chances are, they really aren't. And IF, said person has the "balls" enough to clearly say so, then they likely mean it. I have yet to meet a person that would say "I'm not really into you" when they really are. There are few things more frustrating than trying to explain or express a feeling to someone who just won't get it. When they have this perfect scenario stuck in their mind about how they think things should be and how they think you should feel, your opinion or feelings will not make sense if they aren't the same. The men who don't get this, are the Just-Don't-Get-It's, and sadly, until they have NO CHOICE but to get it, they WILL NOT.
Write an email and save your breath, because it won't matter either way.
They just won't get it.
The "Coward"....
I feel that I need to address this type first, because it is such a growing trend that it's becoming ridiculous!
First off, I know that I have a strong personality, and that may be intimidating sometimes, so I apologize in advance if I seem rude, but I'm honestly tired of being more upfront and having more "balls" than the men I encounter. That's just not natural!
So...here goes...
If you don't like someone, or the vibe isn't right - say so!!! Damn! What is the worst that could happen??? That seems so easy and juvenile to point out, but it's obviously easier said than done, since so many men seem to be struggling with this elementary concept. Two people go out - whether the first time, or the fifth - and the vibes are just all wrong, and it's felt all around. The woman (me) feels it, and treads lightly, not promising anything past the here-and-now, trying to feel him out because he's smiling and flirting, but there's this distance that can't be interpreted. I understand that some people cannot cope with being put on the spot, so letting the date end, and approaching the subject after-the-fact, is not beyond me. Let us both go our own way, regroup and collect our thoughts, then broach the subject on our own turf. Right? No confrontation. No pressure. Hide behind the phone, or texting. Safe, right?
Damn. No follow up call. No text. No email. Nothing. Even worse - I give in and get NO RESPONSE!
Ummm.....OK. I'll step up to the plate, and take the man's role again (dammit), and make the first contact and try to confirm the odd vibe. Men, we should NOT be doing this for you!!! However, in spite of doing it, you act even more cowardly by not responding. WTF? I'm not going to bitch-slap you! I'm not going to friggin BITE you! Did it occur to you that I may have also recognized the non-connection that happened? Has it crossed your mind that, although we're both attractive, that I realize we are just not attracted to each other? It has gotten to the point that post-date-brush-off and flat out dropping-off-the-face-of-the-planet has become an acceptable communication method, and that's sad. That's a new form of lowered standards, that mixed with lazy dating is really inexcusable. Last time I checked, we were GROWN.
(By the way - there IS a distinction between attractiveness and attraction! You CAN find a person to be attractive, but NOT be attracted to them. Take a minute, and soak that in. Use it, it can work to your advantage in many ways!)
Now, all this is going on, and we both realize there's no "match", and we realize that we both do not really want to see each other again, or - worst case - I DO want to see you again, but you're not feeling the same.... (sometimes vice versa). What's a MAN to do?????
Be a man (duh!). Say so! In the name of all things masculine and testosterone-packed, tell the girl SOMETHING! Men, please stop acting like bitches, and tucking your tails and HIDING. Say something. Anything!!!! Let me help you out, for starters: "You're cool, but not my type", or "I'm not feeling anything between us right now". If that's too hard, resort to the "You're a cool friend" excuse - yeah, still a lil bit cowardly, but at least it's a UNIVERSAL excuse that we ALL know the meaning of!
Simply put, women should not always have to take the lead and initiative to either finalize or start something. Yes, there will be let-downs, disappointments, and even *gasp* rejections. Everyone deals with these sometimes, but how can you be a MAN and not be able to take a punch and keep rollin??? Women have to deal with rejections a lot too, but no matter how strong we are, it's still fact that compared to a man, we are the most vulnerable of the two species. You should be stronger than us - mentally and emotionally, not just physically. Rejection is a part of life. Be stronger, men. Stand up for yourselves, with confidence, and learn to tactfully speak your mind.
As a woman, it may not change the attraction-factor (i.e. I still may not like you), but I'd sure as hell have much more respect and admiration for you as a person, and wish you the best.
Bottom line - MAN UP.
First off, I know that I have a strong personality, and that may be intimidating sometimes, so I apologize in advance if I seem rude, but I'm honestly tired of being more upfront and having more "balls" than the men I encounter. That's just not natural!
So...here goes...
If you don't like someone, or the vibe isn't right - say so!!! Damn! What is the worst that could happen??? That seems so easy and juvenile to point out, but it's obviously easier said than done, since so many men seem to be struggling with this elementary concept. Two people go out - whether the first time, or the fifth - and the vibes are just all wrong, and it's felt all around. The woman (me) feels it, and treads lightly, not promising anything past the here-and-now, trying to feel him out because he's smiling and flirting, but there's this distance that can't be interpreted. I understand that some people cannot cope with being put on the spot, so letting the date end, and approaching the subject after-the-fact, is not beyond me. Let us both go our own way, regroup and collect our thoughts, then broach the subject on our own turf. Right? No confrontation. No pressure. Hide behind the phone, or texting. Safe, right?
Damn. No follow up call. No text. No email. Nothing. Even worse - I give in and get NO RESPONSE!
Ummm.....OK. I'll step up to the plate, and take the man's role again (dammit), and make the first contact and try to confirm the odd vibe. Men, we should NOT be doing this for you!!! However, in spite of doing it, you act even more cowardly by not responding. WTF? I'm not going to bitch-slap you! I'm not going to friggin BITE you! Did it occur to you that I may have also recognized the non-connection that happened? Has it crossed your mind that, although we're both attractive, that I realize we are just not attracted to each other? It has gotten to the point that post-date-brush-off and flat out dropping-off-the-face-of-the-planet has become an acceptable communication method, and that's sad. That's a new form of lowered standards, that mixed with lazy dating is really inexcusable. Last time I checked, we were GROWN.
(By the way - there IS a distinction between attractiveness and attraction! You CAN find a person to be attractive, but NOT be attracted to them. Take a minute, and soak that in. Use it, it can work to your advantage in many ways!)
Now, all this is going on, and we both realize there's no "match", and we realize that we both do not really want to see each other again, or - worst case - I DO want to see you again, but you're not feeling the same.... (sometimes vice versa). What's a MAN to do?????
Be a man (duh!). Say so! In the name of all things masculine and testosterone-packed, tell the girl SOMETHING! Men, please stop acting like bitches, and tucking your tails and HIDING. Say something. Anything!!!! Let me help you out, for starters: "You're cool, but not my type", or "I'm not feeling anything between us right now". If that's too hard, resort to the "You're a cool friend" excuse - yeah, still a lil bit cowardly, but at least it's a UNIVERSAL excuse that we ALL know the meaning of!
Simply put, women should not always have to take the lead and initiative to either finalize or start something. Yes, there will be let-downs, disappointments, and even *gasp* rejections. Everyone deals with these sometimes, but how can you be a MAN and not be able to take a punch and keep rollin??? Women have to deal with rejections a lot too, but no matter how strong we are, it's still fact that compared to a man, we are the most vulnerable of the two species. You should be stronger than us - mentally and emotionally, not just physically. Rejection is a part of life. Be stronger, men. Stand up for yourselves, with confidence, and learn to tactfully speak your mind.
As a woman, it may not change the attraction-factor (i.e. I still may not like you), but I'd sure as hell have much more respect and admiration for you as a person, and wish you the best.
Bottom line - MAN UP.
Bad-Date Culprits...
So...I want to lay out the different types of "bad date" culprits we have...and I'm sure I won't even touch on them all, because as much as my karma tries to force me to experience all of these types at least ONCE, I'm only 32, and I'm sure there are many more to go!
I'm going to start off with the most obvious "brands" of men daters we have, then at some point will get around to the "designer breeds", which are just offspring of the main culprits, fashionably customized to the growing trend of today's skanks, divas and prissy princessas.
I'm going to start off with the most obvious "brands" of men daters we have, then at some point will get around to the "designer breeds", which are just offspring of the main culprits, fashionably customized to the growing trend of today's skanks, divas and prissy princessas.
Off the top of my head, we have:
1. The Cowards
2. The Just-Don't-Get-It's
3. The Don't-Want-Her-to-Take-My-Money Penny-Pinchers
4. The Just-Wanna-Fuck-but-Pretend-I-Want-More's
5. The Just-Wanna-Fuck's (not too much wrong with y'all, but.....)
6. The Back-Seat Leaders
7. The Fake Pimps and Ballers
8. The Insecure Whiners
9. The Male Divas
10. The Arguers and Fighters
11. The Obnoxious I'm-So-Sexy Superior-Inflicted Delusionals
12. The I-Don't-Wanna-be-Your-Baby's-Daddy Ditchers
Some Men Need to be Re-Taught
Men today need re-teaching. I don't mean that in a condescending, or disrespectful way - and I'm sure many women need re-training also - but, since I don't date women, I must focus on men.
OK, so every individual has their faults and issues. Then personalities come into play. But, at the end of the day, men need a refresher course because real women are sadly taking the brunt of other bitches' lack of follow-through, which has sadly created a generation of men who don't know how to date, don't know how to be passionate, and who are downright lazy when it comes to interacting with a woman.
Disclaimer coming in....3....2....1.....
Am I going to "male-bash"? No. Just because I say "men" does not mean that I am referring to EVERY man. It's a generalization, focused on the men that it pertains to, and I will not use names. If it doesn't apply - do not take it personal! However, to some it will apply, and as much as I wish that it would be taken as constructive criticism, I am aware that it likely will not. Those lazy men who are content being that way will probably just get pissed off that a woman is calling them out to do something more than they're already doing (God forbid), and I can see that they already do not want to.
The men that these upcoming blogs apply to....are not going to like me much! But maybe...just maybe....someday it'll sink in, and some lucky woman will one day reap the benefits of a man who finally....PAID ATTENTION.....
OK, so every individual has their faults and issues. Then personalities come into play. But, at the end of the day, men need a refresher course because real women are sadly taking the brunt of other bitches' lack of follow-through, which has sadly created a generation of men who don't know how to date, don't know how to be passionate, and who are downright lazy when it comes to interacting with a woman.
Disclaimer coming in....3....2....1.....
Am I going to "male-bash"? No. Just because I say "men" does not mean that I am referring to EVERY man. It's a generalization, focused on the men that it pertains to, and I will not use names. If it doesn't apply - do not take it personal! However, to some it will apply, and as much as I wish that it would be taken as constructive criticism, I am aware that it likely will not. Those lazy men who are content being that way will probably just get pissed off that a woman is calling them out to do something more than they're already doing (God forbid), and I can see that they already do not want to.
The men that these upcoming blogs apply to....are not going to like me much! But maybe...just maybe....someday it'll sink in, and some lucky woman will one day reap the benefits of a man who finally....PAID ATTENTION.....
Monday, September 3, 2007
Like I'd Never Been Kissed...
He kissed me. Again. The last time was almost 2 years ago, and I swore I'd never see him again, because he kissed and left me. I missed him though, and we'd stayed in touch...and he wanted to see me. I wanted to see him.
I craved this man. I realize that I still do.
And he kissed me again. I'm not talking some peck on the cheek or lips, or some systematic tongue wrestle. Yeah, okay...so, I have a lip fetish, and when I see or think about beautiful lips, I imagine how I'd like to kiss them. The frustrating thing is that although I've kissed some beautiful lips, I've never had an amazing, out-of-body-experience, crazy-passionate kiss before. Until HIM. And he kissed me again.
He kissed me again, and it wasn't like some horny man going through the motions of foreplay because he HAD to. He wasn't trying to lead UP to something - the KISS was the main dish, and the sex...the dessert.
This man kisses me so wild and freely. He caresses my face, grabs my hair, teases my lips and pulls at them with his. There are no words that can justify the passion!!! He kisses me hard, and then kisses me soft...smooth and aggressive...all in one. He kisses me on top, flips me over, and kisses me more. I touch, grab and stroke his face as we constantly try to get our points across with our lips. My finger traces his lips before biting them, and he promptly takes them and sucks them before our lips battle again.
This is so feverish and hot...and I swear, as before....I....LOSE...CONTROL.
The sex - I can handle. The kiss makes me dead in the water, and vulnerable beyond fucking belief.
He kisses me like I'd never been kissed...IN. MY. LIFE.
What am I going to do now?
I craved this man. I realize that I still do.
And he kissed me again. I'm not talking some peck on the cheek or lips, or some systematic tongue wrestle. Yeah, okay...so, I have a lip fetish, and when I see or think about beautiful lips, I imagine how I'd like to kiss them. The frustrating thing is that although I've kissed some beautiful lips, I've never had an amazing, out-of-body-experience, crazy-passionate kiss before. Until HIM. And he kissed me again.
He kissed me again, and it wasn't like some horny man going through the motions of foreplay because he HAD to. He wasn't trying to lead UP to something - the KISS was the main dish, and the sex...the dessert.
This man kisses me so wild and freely. He caresses my face, grabs my hair, teases my lips and pulls at them with his. There are no words that can justify the passion!!! He kisses me hard, and then kisses me soft...smooth and aggressive...all in one. He kisses me on top, flips me over, and kisses me more. I touch, grab and stroke his face as we constantly try to get our points across with our lips. My finger traces his lips before biting them, and he promptly takes them and sucks them before our lips battle again.
This is so feverish and hot...and I swear, as before....I....LOSE...CONTROL.
The sex - I can handle. The kiss makes me dead in the water, and vulnerable beyond fucking belief.
He kisses me like I'd never been kissed...IN. MY. LIFE.
What am I going to do now?
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